04/29/08
He was trying to be my friend. There he went being nice and friendly as if nothing happened… as if he didn’t say things to me… as if he never hurt me… I know I hurt him too…That’s why I’m trying to stay away from him because I’m avoiding the possibility of hurting him again… In his case, he just can’t come in out of my life anytime he wants to… He cut the communication… just like that… making me feel that it was all my fault… now he came back in my life just like that? This is not the first time he’s done this… I’m not saying that my door is closed for our friendship… But the night when he told me things…he made feel…like… he… I can’t explain… It was as if he slammed the door in my face…
04/30/08
I’m becoming so tired of this! I’m getting so pissed off! I’m tired working with unprofessional, ill-mannered, inconsiderate people! Sometimes I wonder how I manage to work here for more than a year and still be alive…I’m tired of the politics! I’m tired of being watched as if I’m doing something illegal! Napapagod na ako na kulit-kulitin sila para lang gawin ang trabaho nila! Napapagod na akong makiusap para lang ibigay sa’men ang nararapat na sa’men! Do they think that I enjoy calling them every hour of the day just to follow up something? If given a choice, I don’t want to interact with them… But I (we) have no choice… because they are the kind of people who need to be reminded several time just to make things done and get things settled.
05/01/08
Things went bad to worse. I can’t even start to write about it… Our Company is being very unfair with us (pinay). I’m really tired of this. If it weren’t for the stupid labor policies here, I would’ve resigned long time ago!
05/02/08
I went to church in the morning. Had lunch at home. Went out to dinner in the evening because it was a friend’s birthday.
05/03/08
They say that imitation is the best form of flattery… Maybe at some level it is. But to some extent is also the creepiest form of flattery… hehe…and sometime it is the most annoying form of flattery… Should one just be thankful that someone imitates him/her? Should one just be flattered because someone thinks s/he is so great to a point that this someone copies him//her? But one can’t help to be festered if a person imitates him/her too much… One have all the right to be annoyed and a bit freaked out if the imitator makes the imitatee feels s/he is the one who’s been copying the all along…weird?
TODAY
I didn’t get enough sleep in past week… thinking kept me up most of the nights… I’m so sleepy today… If I close my eyes right now I would fall into deep sleep in seconds…
I feel bad every time I feel tired of doing things for my family. I love my family… I’ve said thousands of times that I will do anything I can for them… However, there comes a time that I wish that I’m not doing what I’m doing… I wish that I’m just focused on doing things I want to do… there comes a time that I wish I could put things behind and move forward to my goal… there comes a time that I feel pressured that I just want to forget everything and just rest… there comes a time that I question myself that do I really have to do this or is all worth it… there comes a time that I worry that I won’t be able to start living my own because of them…
Lord, help not to think this way…Please help me to love my family unconditionally… Please help not to worry about my life… Please remind me every time I feel this way that You’re always in control. Please teach my heart to fully trust you…
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