annoying lines

Pana’s Famous lines that I hate

These are the usual lines/phrases that panas use…. Not just certain type of them but all of them…whether rich or not so rich, good-looking or not-so-good looking, educated or not… trust me, they all have a common denominator when in terms of speaking. I’m not making fun of them or anything. I just think that specific lines heard everyday, morning to evening, from same kind of people at different places is so innerving. I’m not being mean… and all pinoy…I’m now generalizing. All pinoy who work with them wouldn’t protest but 100% agree with me about this…and I would write about it and put thoughts on it if they didn’t get into my nerves!

“tell me”

When you need something from them or you call them they usually say this as a replacement to “what is it?” example: “do you need something? Tell me”. I particularly hate this when I’m talking to a customer representative on the phone… for instance I’ll say “I need some information about this blah blah… the person on the other line will go “Okay, tell me” and I’m telling you they always use that in line and it kills me! It’s so inappropriate.

“you do one thing”

They use this line when they are instructing, telling procedure, or asking a favor. My goodness, every time someone tells me this I want to instantly shout “no!” haha. For example, in the office, when I’m asking them how something should be done, their sentence will always begin with “you do one thing… blah blah”… they use this even if the want you to do 100 things… on hen they are asking a favor. Instead of asking “can I ask you a favor” … they will say “you do one thing blah…blah”… Talk about etiquette!

“same-same”/ “different-different”/”separate-separate”

Literal translations: pare-pareho, iba-iba, hiwalay-hiwalay. These aren’t really that annoying. I find it funny at times actually…but what I hate about it is I (we) have to use them too for pana to just understand us. Example you want certain things to separated, they won’t get it if you go “separate this from this”, you have to say “you make separate-separate” … Goodness!

“what to do”

I have to admit, I often say this as well…but only when I’m talking to them. What I really hate about this is when I’m trying to resolve an issue or figure out a solution to something, if they don’t have an answer or suggestion they just go and ask me “what to do?” … in a there-is-nothing-to-be-done tone… they use it as sign of resignation. It just totally annoys me! I say many things then they just blurt out “what to do?”… argh!

“hello”

This, I find very rude of all. In the normal world it is used for expressing greeting; or it can also be used for expressing surprise. But in here, they use hello to catch someone’s attention. They use this as a substitute for “excuse me”. Pana do this at the office, in the grocery, on streets, on public buses, or in any place that you bump into them…It’s their version of pinoy’s “pssstt” and “hoy” (which I also find impolite, not mention annoying, by the way). When someone tries to get my attention with “hello”…even if s/he says it a million times, I never look at that person’s direction (not until s/he call me properly). It’s either I pretend to be busy or just simply pretend that I can’t hear anything. If s/he says “excuse me” or address me by my name, that’s when I sarcastically grin and ask the person what s/he wants. Snotty, eh?! hehe

“how are you”

My personal favorite… Every time someone says (yes “says” not “asks”) this to me I want to kill myself immediately! Haha… I’m just kidding! As I written, “says”… they ask you this not because they’re concerned and want to know how you are doing, but because they have nothing else to say and just using it as greeting, an expression, a filler for silence. Whether on a phone or personal conversation they use this… Generally speaking, it is considered as a polite gesture …but for them (borabs do this too), it’s just a mere expression. The least they can do is let the person answer back. They say “hi, how are you? blah..blah…” without any pause… haha. It really sounds like they just saying it for the sake of saying it. It really…badly gets to me! Especially on the phone, when I’m not in a good mood then people call me then say this… in my mind I’m like ‘will you just cut the crap! And just go straight to the point!’… As if they really care! I hate it! They casually say it as “hi” or “hello”! I don’t mind being asked how I’m doing, but I do mind being asked every minute and second of my everyday life by people who don’t give a daRn about me! Can you imagine how annoying it is to hear this from every call you get and people you see?

diary entry 2

03/26/08

I wanted to take back what I said that my boss was great and I liked him! Hehe… Because it turns out that he wasn’t that great after all. A couple months now, I’ve been hearing my co-workers complaining about their 13^th month pay. They say, they should have received it last January but for some reason they haven’t gotten it yet. I don’t have the same grievance because I can only get my bonus upon reaching my second year in the company… and I’ve been working here for just a year and 4 months… but even then, I feel for them. I do understand how they badly need their bonuses. The cost of living here is high. That bonus could help them a lot especially those who have families.

I heard a story (rumor) that the head of the other department threatened the chair that he’d resign and would give his gratuity to his employees… just for his employees to have their bonuses. He said that the company earned a lot last year and it was just right to give the employees what was due. He succeeded, the chair granted his employees their bonuses and he didn’t have to resign. Upon learning this story, an officemate rushed to my boss’ office to summon his complaint. In his dismay, he said that our boss told him something like, we had an increment last October and there was no need to complain about the bonus. Their point was, if other employees can have their bonuses, why can’t them… and if the other head stood up for his employees why can’t he do the same for us… whatever… but personally why I wanted to take back what I said about him being great and I liked me and all is because he disappointed me…haha… I asked him if I could have my free ticket earlier, he said it’s not up to him. Of course it’s up to him. Why would I come to me him I didn’t know he could do something about it. I just thought it was so unfair because others have done it (getting their free 2way ticket in advance)…if they can.. why can’t i?! badtrip! So unfair

03/27/08

I realized the reason I couldn’t let go is because I don’t want to. Each time I pray I include it to my prayer. I ask God to help me overcome my emotional attachment to someone. I always say that if it isn’t from him, take it away. I’ve been praying that for a year now, but my emotion remains as strong as it has always been. I’ve asked myself over and over again why I couldn’t seem to unfasten myself from it… then it suddenly dawned on me…It’s not because I can’t, it’s because I don’t want to. I realized that I want to hold on. I’ve been praying and asking HIS help about this, but it turns out, I’m not helping myself. I always tell myself that there is no point in hoping and just simply let go… but apparently, I’ve been doing the opposite. Instead of detaching myself from it… I cling , and worse, I nurse it. I allow it to grow in my heart. Instead of disconnecting myself from it, I entertain its thoughts. Why am I doing this to myself? I’m really not sure. Maybe because it gives me something to look forward to. Maybe because I’m happier this way… Maybe I enjoy deceiving myself that there’s still hope. I don’t know! I’m not sure! …but one thing is for sure, this can’t be good! hehe…

03/28/08

I went to the church in the morning…I was early at last! YEHEY! On my way home, I waited for an hour and a half for a bus under the heat of the sun. I thought I was going to die of dehydration! Hehe… I ate lunch with ate and ate bada… I didn’t do much that day. I just stayed home. I consumed so much energy on deciding if I should take a vacation or not… argh! I can’t make up my mind! Help!

03/29/08

Okay… this sssooo creepy!I received a call from someone from work around the afternoon… and he told me to go down because he was outside and going to give me something… I found it so odd because we would see each other the next day naman. If this was work related, it could wait till the next day. So, I didn’t go down. Ate and kelly also told me not to…haha… He called again, he said he was going to give me a photo. I thought what photo.. I just told him that I couldn’t go down because I wasn’t home and I was in Al Ain (2 hours away from my place)… it was so creepy! Because this person has been sending me weird text messages since December. I asked my other pinay officemates if they were receiving messages from this guy, they said no, then they started teasing me…argh! then out of the blue calling me one afternoon to give me something… if i remember it right, he said that he needed to see me because it was urgent…and trust me… I don’t feel slightest flattery here…

late in the afternoon

Just when I thought I would last a week without seeing the-thing-don’t-want-to-see…just when I thought I would succeed…my sister shoved it… then rubbed it in my face… seriously… I don’t want to know! as I always say, what you don’t know can’t hurt you! besides, I’m not interested! I hate it when people don’t take my words seriously. I’m not totally okay yet… and the last the I need is to see it!

***

Earlier this day, he handed me the photo that he was telling “as urgent”…and it was a poster of an image of Christ. Weird, don’t you think? I was like… forgive me… I was like: what the heck?!! This is so odd…not to mention freaky! It was the thing he wanted to give me yesterday…It was the thing he said was urgent? Why would someone give me something like that on a Saturday afternoon?! Why?! please answer me…

A female officemate of mine, asked this morning if it was okay with me if she’d give my number to a guy…her friend, a pinoy…just 24… I asked why and what he needed from me…she said, nothing in particular… He wanted to get to know me and befriend me…forgive me… I was like: hell no! no way… I have many friends already. And I’m very happy with them…. haha… I appreciate her gesture. But, I’m oh so fine! And she’s been doing this for some quite time now…trying to hook up with someone… Why other people think that all single people want to be hooked up?! why?!

I don’t and will never believe in “reto”! I never did that to any of the people I know…because I believe it is God’s business putting two people together. And I definitely don’t want to meddle with His business…

two years after graduation

 During my college years, I wasn’t certain about what I wanted to do after graduation… It was not because I didn’t have dreams, but because I had so much that I didn’t know what and where to begin. I dreamed of becoming a journalist, a professor, a businesswoman and a missionary. I wanted to travel the world; visit different countries and learn their culture and languages… I wanted to give back to my country from every God-given-gifts I had (or believed that I had). I aspired to make a difference in my small ways. I wished to consummate my existence serving God and my country.

Two years after graduation, I’m still not on my way to becoming what I aspired to… I’m far from the path I must tread towards my dreams… I don’t even get to practice what I learned from college because my work isn’t related to my course. It is not because I had a change of heart or I got disconnected from who I was and what I wanted to do or whatsoever. It is because I had to leave the country to work abroad… (That makes me an OFW). I now belong to the ranks of Filipinos whom are tagged as “bagong bayani”…People that they say who keep the country’s economy afloat. Nonetheless, I don’t think I am a hero neither do I feel that I’m doing anything good for my country. There are things I must to do first. I have to prioritize my family’s needs. I found myself torn between my ambitions and my duties as a daughter. As heartbreaking as it is, I need to put my dreams in the backseat (in the meantime). There are times that I secretly wish that my dreams were different –- I’m secretly wishing that I desire something else… that I don’t think the way I do… Maybe things would be easier if I didn’t carry them in my heart. Maybe I wouldn’t be so guilty and brokenhearted if didn’t have those aspirations. There are many people back in my country who are dying to leave and work overseas. Yet here I am, working abroad as a professional, earning a lucrative compensation for a rarely busy job, and migrating to overfantasized countries such as USA, Canada and UK is within my reach, but still unsatisfied. I appreciate all I have and am grateful for having them. But I know in my heart that these aren’t what I really desire. There is more to life than having a job, or earning a high income, or remitting money to your family. I know there is nothing wrong with (dreaming of) working abroad or providing for you family. I also know that for some, especially those who weren’t fortunate to finish their education, staying or coming home is not an option because it could spell starvation for their loved ones. As one of the privileged people who can come home and could still obtain a decent work there, I can’t help to feel guilty. I’m not a doctor or an engineer whose departure may create an impact, but the fact that I left makes me feel accountable for the brain drain problem (or rather heart drain) in the country.

My close friends encouraged me to hold on to my dreams. A pastor once advised me to follow my heart. Another pastor told me to pursue my dreams. Their words became my constant prayers. Most people abandon their (original) dreams once they started earning money. I fear that may do that too. Everyday life can make my dreams seem impractical. Everyday life can convert my dreams to delusion. However, I’m holding on or at least trying to. I pray that I won’t be too comfortable in my current condition because sometime it can be quite tempting. Financial stability, having enough to afford luxury for me and my family, plus the opportunity to migrate to First World Countries can be so luring for someone who isn’t from a well off family like me. I pray that I won’t throw away my dreams even if sometimes they seem unattainable. I pray I won’t listen to people telling me that I’m being impractical not to mention foolish for wanting the things I want. And I pray that I won’t forget that I want to teach, write, be an entrepreneur to open jobs, and serve.

      As of now, I keep telling myself that I can be at service to God and my country even I’m oceans away. I’m just trying to do things the best I can, where I am, with what I have now. I’m holding on to my belief that being a patriot has less to do with where I live but more on what I dream for my countrymen and motherland.

diary entry 1

03/19/08

I finally mustered up the courage to talk to my boss. His answer wasn’t exactly the one I’ve been hoping for. He just told me that the decision wasn’t up to him. Although, I was expecting to hear that, I still felt somewhat disappointed. I felt weird. I tried to fight back my tears as I was speaking with him. But as soon as I sat back down on my seat, I broke into tears. Being an adult, I fully know that crying is not exactly a mature way to react if you don’t get what you want – most especially in the corporate world. As a person, who doesn’t want to be seen crying, I tried to hide it of course. But I wasn’t successful in doing that. An officemate noticed my swelling eyes. She tried to cheer me up and as her consolation gesture, she treated me to lunch. A relative also found out what happened. She too felt for me. She told her best friend whom I also treat as a friend about it. They wanted me to feel better, so they took me out for dinner that evening. My sister also called me later that evening insisting on taking to a movie on Friday… hehe… talk about comforting me!

A few hours before I left the office I had the great privilege of talking to our pastor. We talked on the phone for half an hour. We didn’t talk about what happened that day, that wasn’t the reason why I wanted to talk to her in the first place. I asked her counsel about personal matters – matters that I’m not ready to write about.

In all honesty, the reason why I cried wasn’t just about the conversation I had with my boss… It had something to do with it but not entirely about it. You see, I’ve been on the verge of breaking into tears. I’ve been crying inside but for some reason, I couldn’t let it out. that’s so me. When I cry, it’s hard to distinguish the real reason behind my tears. I’m sounding like a drama queen again! haha. I really don’t know if this is a good thing or not. I turned into a delayed-reactor when it comes to unwanted events. When not so good things happen, it takes me a while to digest it. I don’t repress nor suppress my feelings. It’s just it takes time for me to process and grasp those kinds of things to the point that I seem unaffected. I myself think it’s strange…haha…

03/20/08

I didn’t have work… I attended Energy Hub in Ramada Hotel. I pigged out later that day

03/21/08

I went to the church. I was so late. I ended up sitting on the floor. That’s how jam-pack the church is. After the service I met up with my sister. We were supposedly going to watch a movie. Nothing’s good in theaters so we just ate and did little shopping. There was a sale kasi.

03/22/08 I stayed at home. Watch Korean Novela all throughout the day. boring…

the chief chikadoro

Last night, I had an encounter with an inconsiderate officemate. I’m fortunate enough to be in company that provides its employees free transport that brings us to the office and back to our houses. There is a designated shuttle for each different place. My office is an hour drive away from where I stay (if the traffic isn’t bad). Considering Dubai is a small area, a place that is an-hour-drive away is measured as a far place already. Due to building construction and renovation sprouting like mushroom everywhere and main roads are always being fixed, traffic jam is expected. So, everyday instead of an hour of travel to the office it becomes one hour and a half; and instead of an hour travel back home it becomes two!

Office hours start at 8am and end at 6pm. Everyday, I reach home at around 8pm, if I’m lucky at 7:45. Clearly, traffic is inevitable. So for us to reach the office on time we have to leave our houses earlier. Same with our way back to our respected houses, we have to leave the office, well not earlier, but as soon as the office hours end. But this doesn’t happen. Because apparently 10 hours of being at the office isn’t enough for my panatiks officemates/ka-service — not enough for them to chat! Yes, chat! It’s so annoying! Argh!

Each and everyday after working hours, the rest of us wait at least 30 minutes in the shuttle for some other ka-service having chitchats with people from the other shuttle. Of course it annoys me, but I don’t have a choice but wait. Since the sun sets minutes before 7pm. I make use of the light that sun gives to read my book. But last night, it was too much.

Like everyday, we waited for a couple of minutes for my chikadoros officemates (male version of chikadora) to finish their gossip session. Routinely, in the morning the driver fetches me near my house, but in the evening I let him drop me three blocks from my house because the traffic is bad, it’s better for me to walk to save time, enable the driver to take a short cut, and for the other who are left in the shuttle to go home early… besides, I take it as an opportunity to walk and exercise my legs… and of course I do it because I’m considerate …and I have respect for other’s valuable time.

I was in rage last night. It was 8pm and we were still on the streets, jammed in terrible traffic. The driver was supposed to drop me first because my place is the nearest, but one of the chikadoros, the leader of the chikadoros — The chief chikadoro told the new driver to turn right instead of going straight which lead us to my unloading-place! It was few blocks away. We were almost near. But this chief chikadoro who sits at the passenger’s seat told the driver to drop him first! We went out of the way, caused us to be stuck in traffic for another 30 minutes! The chief chikadoro…who is the cause of the delay everyday! Me and my pinay officemates were in rage! We were so infuriated. Since he is a panatik , my pinay officemates and I purposely talked in English to make parinig. We wanted him to hear that we really thought that it was so inconsiderate of him to make us wait everyday and be the first to get to home! We spared the driver given the fact that yesterday was his first day, since he sits in front everyday and probably memorized our route. He should’ve guided the driver and taught him the short cuts that our old driver used to spare time. But he didn’t. He was just there, sitting pretty. And the only time he spoke when he told the driver to drop him first! How inconsiderate! How selfish! How dumb!

Our parinig didn’t work. He was unshakable! He was insensitive… he was callous! It was as if he couldn’t hear us…Being someone who knows when to shut up and when to speak up, I couldn’t contain it anymore. In the middle of traffic jam, while I felt that my bladder was about to explode because I badly needed to pee, I said to the driver who is also a panatik, (I didn’t know the driver’s name) “sir driver, like everyday, tomorrow please drop us first? Because it is how it should be! Us-first, him-later!”… then the chief chiakadoro butted in, saying that tomorrow it would be us first. I turned to him and said; “if you want to go home early, ride in the shuttle early, don’t waste our time waiting for you”… argh! But I’m not finished with him yet. Wait and see what I can do if he gets to go home first!

woman’s month

Last March 8 was the celebration centennial year of women’s day. March is women’s month. I’ve been observing this occasion for years. There is nothing grandeur in the way I commemorate this day. I just acknowledge that it is in deed the day for women by greeting the females I know ‘happy women’s day’. There was even a few times that I gave gifts, well not exactly gifts, but I gave a ‘token of admiration’ to a particular woman that I(of course) admired to let her know I have high regard of her as woman myself. But I wasn’t able to do that last March 8. I even failed to greet any my of female friends ‘happy women’s day’. I even forgot that it was in fact women’s day that day. I was too preoccupied with my heartache caused by the departure of the most important woman in my life -– my mother. The plane took her away. She left for the Philippines. We’re not sure when will she come back here or if she ever will.

One thing admire about my mom is her sacrifices for my sister and I. There are countless of times that she thinks us first above herself, and prioritizes us more than her own happiness. The best thing I like about her is she treats us like her friends. When I was younger our relationship was purely mother-daughter. But when I started magdalaga that was when we became closer. I can confidently say that aside from being the person who gave birth to me, she also became a person who taught how to live. She is my friend. I tell her things that I’m not comfortable saying to other people. She is probably the first person who is interested in my thoughts and the last person who would judge me.

As a child, she was more of a disciplinarian. She complemented or so to speak, contradicted my father in raising me. While my father was spoiling me, giving me things I wanted even the unreasonable ones (especially when I gave him ‘silent-treatments’), my mother was the one who constantly giving me the big a NO. It was a bit weird growing up living in two different houses. Since my parents have been separated, I had to live in two different houses. Schooldays with my father, while weekends and holidays with my mother. While my dad was pampering me, preparing my food, cleaning my room, doing things that I should’ve done myself (I’m very thankful for my that though), on the other hand, my mother was doing the complete opposite. At the age of 9, she got me started doing house chores such as cooking, cleaning the house, including bathroom, washing my won clothes, etc. … I did these only when I was in my mother’s house, but when I was in my father’s, I was like a princess… (my father was very strict though). Looking back, I used to hate my mother for that, I always thought ‘pinapahirapan’ nya ako. But as I get older and older I realized that if she didn’t let me do thing myself I’d probably taste what ‘pinapahirapan’ really means. In short, she equipped me — taught things that she knew I needed to learn… things that I actually need to know. and it pays a lot to know them!

I would like to think that I take after her sense of humor. She is hilarious. She can make my sister and I laugh our heads off. She may appear snooty, but she is really funny. She says thing about things or people that you wouldn’t imagine a mother would think of. She has this banat na super nakakatawa… and nakakamiss na talaga…

My mother may be a crybaby. She is a very emotional person. She cries easily. But I know she is a strong woman. She’d cry and cry as hard and as long as there are tears left for her to let down her cheeks, but when she’s done crying, she’s done. She’s been through a lot throughout her life, and yet she remains a positive person in spite of all. She never gives up, she keeps on fighting and moving forward. She constantly reminds us that if we don’t get the things we wanted it only means that they were not meant for us to have, and there is always “mas” and “dapat” waiting for us.

One time, perhaps two years or more ago, I asked her if she could get to choose the children that she would want to have, would she still choose me… and her answer: “Oo naman, special ka eh … special child”, she laughed and kissed me on my cheek.

airport

        I read it somewhere that is Dubai International Airport is one of the best in the world. I’ve seen only three airports in my life, so I don’t have more bases of comparison like others. Even so, I still think that Dubai’s Airport is really one of the best. . I don’t know much about architecture but all I know is its structure and interior designs are exquisitely beautiful. It’s so clean, every corner is dirt free, and all the restrooms are spotless. My favorite place there is the food court. First, because it’s a free wireless internet connection zone. Second, it’s almost a combination of fast food and fine-dinning restaurant, after ordering your chow to your chosen food stall, you don’t have to wait there because they will deliver and serve it to your table hot and fresh. My favorite thing about this Airport’s food court is the view. It has this wide glass that you can see through the runway. You can freely and closely watch the plane fly and land. The best thing of all is you don’t have to be a passenger to see and experience all of this. You can visit the airport as often as you want.  Unlike in my country, people even the passengers are restricted in the airport (and I know why). It doesn’t take a person who travels a lot to know that NAIA is quite the opposite of Dubai International Airport. This really saddens me for the fact we were one of the countries who had first built an airport. Looking at Emirates Airlines admirably got me remembering that Philippine Airline is the Asia’s first Airline. It has been there long before some of the well known airlines such as Cathay Pacific Airways, Singapore Airlines, even the great Japan Airlines or the almost impeccable Emirates Airlines. Watching Emirates and other Asian airlines soar up in the sky exhilarated me, but at the same time it was like having a mirror put on your face telling you, to your eternal shock, how you looked. Or it was a photograph that carried the caption, “What has happened to us?”

     

               Personally speaking when it comes to airport; whether big or small, clean or unclean, fancy or not, beautiful or totally disaster… airports all have the same effect on me. They all give a certain feeling – heartache.  I have a handful experiences with regard to them. Some are good memory that worth keeping, however, most of them are traumatic. The truth of the matter is I hate airports. There was a time that I refused going there. My heart’s been broken there several times. Every time I set my feet there I always get this tightening feeling in my chest. It feels like that any moment I’ll faint because the subtle sadness in the place is sucking up my air. Every time I see people saying their goodbyes to their loved ones, I always wound up feeling  a lump in my throat even if I don’t know them personally.

      

          Last year, I had been to [probably] two of the worse airports in the world, but it didn’t matter to me. I was so consumed with my sadness to notice. Yesterday, I was in a grandiose airport. It didn’t matter to me. I was too sad to notice.  It’s beauty didn’t alleviate nor divert my sadness. Airports are all the same to me. They all give the same feeling of pain. I wonder when will be the time that airports won’t give me certain distress?

involved?

My Comment:

The ZTE contract issue is not only the latest, but so far the most horrendous offense of the present administration. This national issue has stirred the Filipino blood flowing in my veins. Even I’m not in the country, I’ve been trailing this issue since last year. I find it amusing in a very odd way that I know more about this than some people who are in the Philippine territory. I cannot just sit on the fence, totally unaware of what is going on in my homeland. Other people would probably think I’m too much concerned with these issues. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m a Filipino. I am one of the people who end up paying for these anomalous deals, for projects that the country don’t really need–or are of low priority–and for the immoral profits of heartless greedy people. More to that, I do realize that it’s my country’s future is at stake…In a larger scale, it’s the innocent next generation’s future is at stake… they will be the ones who will reap the bitter seed these people sown.

As I read and watch the news, I’m getting more and more appalled. As I read and watch the news, I’m getting more and more shocked. As I read and watch the news, I’m getting more and more dismayed. I might not be one of the angry mobs who went to the rally in Makati last Friday, but my rage is as intense. I do respect the people who were part of the rally, however, I don’t believe that the only way to express patriotism and love for country is by screaming your lungs out in the streets while holding a placard with of the President’s disfigured image. Yes, I’m angry too. However, Instead of joining a rally and raising my fist in the air while shouting “oust GMA” to express my anger, I convert my anger to a burden… a burden for the country… burden to learn to do more than just protest and complain… burden to be a positive contribution… burden to be involved in assuring a bright future for the next generation… burden to be the change that I want to happen. ***