READ MY MIND

I have nothing to be proud of except from being a child of God. He is my light and purpose. I used to be another nameless face in world. I’ve been unworthy. I’ve been unfair to others. My heart’s been unwilling. I’ve made lots of unwise decisions… in spite of all; I’ve never been unloved. He loved/s me. He took me out of the dirty mire. He breathed on me. He made me alive. He filled the emptiness in my heart. He gave my life a meaning. He showed me that I’m valuable… that I’m precious. I have a purpose in this world because of HIM. He gives me reasons to wake up every morning. He gives me strength to fight. He even fought the battle for me. He raises me up every time I stumble. He heals me every time I get wounded. He obstinately accepts me every time I turn away from Him. I don’t know who I am apart from HIM. He defines me. Without HIM, I’m nothing.

I’m good at a lot of things… But I haven’t been the best at anything.

 I may look naïve but I’m not. Be careful. It’s hard to read my mind.

I’m not intelligent. I’m not beautiful. Many times I wish I was both or even just either… I several have flaws. I have weaknesses. I have many inabilities. But I compensate whatever I lack for my willingness and determination. But sometimes no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I give, I’m still not good enough for other people.

I didn’t grow up in ideal happy family. My parents got separated when I was still young. I’ve never been ashamed of this fact. My father and mother love me and sister, and that is what important for me. Yes they have shortcomings, but so do as other parents. Even I was young, I knew that I had nothing to do with their separation. Some things just don’t work out the way we want to, period… and I accepted that. I didn’t rebel against my parents like other children from broken home. I always told myself not to do anything that would jeopardize my future. I knew whatever bad thing I’d do would surely backfire on me. My family was broken and I won’t allow my life to be the same. A broken home may be an explanation for a messed up life, but it should never be a justification for it. Our family background and past experiences may have something to do with who we are, but we are solely responsible for who we become, because we are always what we choose to be…that’s what I’ve always firmly believed in.

I love my family so much. I can’t imagine my life without them.  I’ll do anything I can for them. But I’ll never live my life just for them. No one should live his/her life just for a person or a particular group of people.

I’m a kind of person who gives importance to friendship. My friends are special. They are the living proofs that God loves me. 

I always try to see the best in people. I give ‘benefit of the doubt’ even to those who’re undeserving. My ears are always ready to hear the other side of the story… thus, I expect the same from others.

I don’t enjoy debates. But I always find myself engaged in a battle of wits.  I respect other’s point of view. I stand by my principles. I fight for what I believe in, but try to be careful not to lose my values in the midst of the battle.

I always considered myself a feminist. When I say feminist, it is not someone who abhors men and believes that women are superior than men; but someone who advocates the equality among men and women; someone who understands and respects the different role of men and women in the society. I firmly believe that men and women are created differently from one another, thus there is no point in comparing them. They may have different important functions in the society but must share the same equal rights.

In the realm of Love. I’m a great believer that love is more than an emotion, it’s a choice, it’s a commitment. We can always decide who we will love. The idea of ‘falling out of love’ is also untrue for me. Once we love someone, even if we don’t want to, a part of us will always love them. That’s why we have to be extra careful with whom we give a heart to because a part of it will forever remain with them. A person who says that s/he ‘fell out of love’ from someone, may never been actually “in” love to begin with. It might be a mere infatuation… I support the principle of theory of relativity of space that; no two objects can occupy the same place at the same time…because my heart is exactly like that. No further elaboration.

My thoughts are driving me to such bewildering heights. They’re making me plunge to such infinite depths. They’re time consuming. They’re energy draining. I exhaust most of my strength on contemplating about them. At the end of the day, I wound up worn out. So, I get some sleep. Rest my mind and spirit to regain enough strength…only to spend it the next day thinking about them all over again. It’s just a never-ending cycle. I’m drowning in my own thoughts.

 

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 Comment

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI