I can’t believe I’m back here at the office. I can’t believe my leave is over. It isn’t over, really. I decided to cut it short because I need cash. Well, who doesn’t? Truth be told, I regret coming back early. I’ve described my office as a not so friendly working environment where employees use yelling as the best way to put across their messages. My work itself doesn’t make me tired, what exhausts me is the people around me. I can hardly remember a time when I came home that I wasn’t tired. If there’s one thing I gained from this is that my guts have been sharpened. If you’re meek in a place like this, people will eat you alive. So you better learn to stand up for yourself. You don’t let others push you around! They yell at you, you yell back! And you should make your voice a lot louder than theirs. hahaha. Well, actually it depends on the situation. When I was new here, I used to yell back when being yelled at. But as time went on, it became exhausting…draining. Eventually, I realized that their attitude at work is their problem, not mine. There are diplomatic ways to say what you want, and if you don’t know that, that’s your problem. The way the act in the office speaks a lot about them…their upbringing…their manners… their characters…their lives… And sometimes even when I’m right, it’s useless to argue with people like that. Even if I explain 24/7 it’s futile. They will never get my point, anyway. So I weigh things. If the argument is a matter of life and death, and it will cost me my job, I would definitely speak up. But if it’s just of one their petty issues that they’re only making a big fuss about, I shrug it off. I think that they are the way they are …because they’re sad people living miserable lives. hahaha. Bad! Look, people who are happy don’t get easily get heated…unless there is something to be real angry about. Happy people don’t yell all the time. They don’t waste their time fuming over trivial matters…So therefore I’m sure that my co-workers are sad people! hahaha. Their attitude at work is somehow a reflection of their personal lives. They vent their anger at any chance they get. Since they spend most their time here, they anger are redirect their anger to the people around them. Tsk. tsk. tsk. So what I’m trying to say is I should’ve come earlier at work! DARN! But I do need the money, DARN AGAIN!
happiness with fear
Having the things you want so badly can be scary sometimes. You look forward to the passing of time because as days go on, you come closer and closer to getting it. But when that thing at long last arrives, together with your delight, you feel a strange twinge of fear. You ask yourself why you feel this way. You can’t seem to find the answer. You just know you’re happy but at the same time anxious. How can something that you expected to give you solely joy bring such an amount of anxiety too? Maybe that’s the way it really goes. When you want something so bad and once you have it, it scares the heck out of you. It could be that the fear you feel is caused by responsibilities you foresee your dream entails… or maybe, just maybe what scares you is the realization that what you thought you wanted all this time is not in reality you wanted. You know how mind plays tricks on us, human. It could be as complex as that. But it could be basic too… maybe the happiness from getting what you want is always enclosed with the fear of losing it…
wonderment, opinion, etc…
I resent the fact that I’m most ‘inspired’ to blog when angry or sad. My entries here are mostly about my rage and frustrations that they make me seem a self-absorbed person — which I’m not. The world doesn’t revolve around me and it never will. There are so many things I want to put across other than my rants. I’m curious enough to examine things. I care about what’s going around me. I have strong opinions on different global issues. Like the US economic slump which media narrowed down its cause into things such as cooperate greed, opaqueness, policy implementation failure, etc. But in my opinion its cause is plainly greed and other factors are merely results. If there was no greed, there would be transparency and success in implementing policies. Same with the problem in my country where people always blame the government for everything bad occurrence without realizing that the government only reflects who we are as citizens. Most Pinoys think that corruption is the cause of our problem, but I don’t think so. Nearly all Pinoys lack ‘sense of nation’, meaning we don’t love our country. We don’t see that corruption is merely a byproduct of not loving our country.
I rejoice when great people change history. I was way past joyful when first African-American Barack Obama won the US election. I was overwhelmed when I watched his inauguration day. Although I think he didn’t deliver his speech as well as he did in the past, but it didn’t matter because his speech was so poignant that it brought tears in my eyes. Moreover, I get affected when terrible events happen. Malaria breakout and war in Gaza saddened, more so appalled me.
I’m not intelligent yet I’m smart enough to question the world around me. I question why some people make finding the ‘one’ their ultimate goal in life, thinking it could give them meaning. I wonder why people work their butt off all their lives only to enjoy what they earned on their retirement when they barely have the strength to do so. I don’t understand why parents have favoritism among their children considering these children all came from them anyway. I wonder why people who have different belief system are deemed weird. I wonder why people with deep convictions or strong values are called old fashioned.
I’m generally not a conformist. I want to tell unique stories to my grandchildren someday. I don’t want to be a typical overseas worker who left her country just for money. I try to be different even others criticize me. I would still pursue a career not financially profitable yet I deem rewarding. I try to defy norms that I don’t agree with. Women can be protector as men can be nurturer. I go against stereotypes. I believe that some women are interested in cars, and some men enjoy love stories. I refuse to be pegged. People don’t get to tell me who I am or not. I’m a Filipino… I’m a child of God like everyone else on earth, I am no less than any nationality and have equal rights and claim.
I believe in God. I believe in heaven and hell. I believe that love is the reason I’m here. I believe that serving your purpose in life is the only way to find genuine happiness.
insanity! argh! hehe!
They say that the best indication that you’re not crazy is if you actually think you are. The fact that you are sober enough to question your sanity means that you’re still at the right state of mind. If that’s the case, perhaps I’m not crazy…or perhaps just not yet. As a child I wondered why some people gone insane. My prejudice was that crazy people were weak, coward and pathetic… people who simply couldn’t handle their problems well. And now as an adult, I wonder differently. I wonder how some people manage to keep their sanity. In this erratic life, I wonder how one stays strong in the face of constant seatbacks and frustrations. I wonder how one persists despite failures without feeling utterly defeated. I wonder how one graciously deals with a sudden loss of a loved one. I wonder how one keeps an indomitable attitude in pursuing his/her dreams while others harshly pound him/her with discouragements. It’s a wonder to me why some people snapped and how they completely lost their mind. But what really leaves me staggered is the question of how some people keep their selves together while things in their lives fall apart. Is there a guideline on how to keep one’s sanity? If there is, would someone care to lend me? I snapped last Saturday in front of my sister. I was hysterically laughing as tears relentlessly streamed down my cheeks while I angrily vented my rants. I couldn’t stop laughing in a way that I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I was so distressed and angry that it drove me to hysterical laughter. I really thought I gone mad. As I threw fit my sister was watching me with terror. Why wouldn’t she… I was sobbing, muttering things, laughing hard at my private joke which I didn’t care to share with her. She just sat still witnessing my outburst. My sister, having the stronger personality from the two of us didn’t know what to do. Maybe because she knew that what caused my momentary madness was valid. I just needed to succumb and allow insanity take over. My problems haven’t crossed the fence of unbearable side. I know God won’t allow problems that I couldn’t handle to come my way…very grateful for that. But, annoyance has been my loyal buddy, it’s always beside me, it doesn’t leave me alone, not even for a day. But that’s okay because I seem to have the ability to snap out of it day after day. But last week’s incident pushed me to my limit! I have tried hard to be patient. But I had enough! I was very infuriated the entire week and I had never been that exasperated in my life. I had never felt a strong urge to actually strangle someone in my whole existence! I finally understood what the word anger really meant. I was so angry that I thought I gone crazy. What sort of perverted thrill some people get from infuriating others? Why do other people derive their pleasure from making other’s lives miserable? I can say that so far I’ve been somewhat unbeaten by frustrations and depression. With God’s help, I manage to collect myself in every pains and problems I face. If dealt well, such things might help toughen me…That’s why I even thank God for them. But with fury, I don’t know what it could give me aside from madness! It gets the best of me! It brings the worst in me! I’m not usually a violent person but this fury makes me want to kill someone with bare hands…ugh! I need to get out of here before I completely lose my sanity!
miserable job
According to an article I read online; “awful,” “dreary,” and “miserable” are adjectives that many people use to describe their jobs at one time or another. Well mine would be; “frustrating”, “horrible”, and of course, “miserable”. The article also said that dissatisfaction on the job is common and often temporary. I do agree with that first one but not with latter one. For sure, a large number of employees are not happy with their jobs. Is it because they’re not pleased with salaries and consider them low? Is it because of their bosses? Is it because of their officemates? Is it because of the company policies? Is it because of the food sold at their canteen? The employees’ reasons are aplenty. And I can only speak for myself. Before I state my reasons why I think my job sucks… I just wanted to clear that I know am blessed, at the very least I do have a job no matter how miserable it has been making me feel. However, feeling blessed doesn’t mean feeling numb. I once heard a trainer from my previous company said that two years is enough span of time to know if your job is right for you or vise versa. It’s been a year and half (almost two years) I still feel exactly the same since the first time I set foot on this company — miserable. When I applied here, I knew I’d be only staying here for several months that’s why I didn’t listen to the persistent voice at the back of head saying not work here…But unexpected painful events happened forced me to stay.
Allow me to enumerate the reasons why I think my work is miserable. First, working in lifting equipment testing firm is a nightmare for mass communication graduate who aspire to be a journalist. Second, most of my officemates are rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, insensitive, nosy people! Third, the salary is not that economically lucrative. Third, my boss plays favorites. Fourth, company policy sucks! Employees have to literally beg to be given what is rightly due. Fifth, office hours is too long and the office’s location is too far away. Work time is from 8am to 6pm. I leave home at 6:50am, and since office is so far from home, I’d be so darn lucky if I get to home at 8pm because usually it’s 8:30pm. My hateful job takes so much of my precious time.
People ask me if hate it that much why don’t I resign… I can’t do that because I need to stay in this country… There are things I need to settle, and it would be easier and faster if settle them here. So why not just transfer to other company then? I can’t do that either. I’m legally-bind here for 3years. The sole reason why I’m still staying in this friggin’ company is the labor law, that’s it! Period. Resigning would mean being banned to work in other company. I can’t afford to be unemployed. As I said I’m still settling something and it would just derail everything. I just have the two options: resign and be unemployed or stay and be miserable. Since I need to stay in this country, the only choice left for me is to stay here in this company. As much as I want to get the heck out of here, I can’t. I can only complain and blabber about my frustration…
‘A miserable job makes a person cynical and frustrated and demoralized when they go home at night… It drains them of their energy, their enthusiasm, and self-esteem’ the article also said. Cynical: check! Frustrated: check! Demoralized: check! Energy, enthusiasm and self-esteem draining: check! Hey, has the writer of that article been reading my diary? Haha… Kidding aside, my frustration about my job contributes a lot to my seasonal depression. More often than not, I find myself upset. I cry at work on a weekly basis. And most of the time I go home very irritable. Some friends notice that I’m not as bubbly as I used to be. It’s getting the best of me. I’m afraid that I’d reach my breaking point anytime soon… The article also stated that miserable jobs are universal and can be found in every industry and at every level. Meaning there is lot people around the globe who have miserable jobs. I’m not alone. Yet, that fact doesn’t make any difference. I still hate my job. I still look forward to day I have enough savings to finally quit and chase my dreams.
Lord,
Thank YOU for giving me a source of income that enables me to provide for myself and my family. Lord, forgive me for looking at my work this way. I know YOU don’t allow things to happen for no reason. I know YOU have a purpose for placing me here. Lord, please open the eyes of my heart to see the things I need to see. Help me to learn what I need to learn… Please divert my eyes to things that I have instead to what I lack. Please give enough strength to endure this. Please give me enough patience to wait for YOUR right timing. I don’t understand why YOU placed me here, but I know in time I’d understand everything. Please embed in my heart that there is a greater purpose behind this.
Amen
wowowee age
I read an article from a Philippine newspaper’s website; that the government announced a P5-billion aid program for the poor as a solution to the food crisis in the country. According to the article, the program would give allowance of up to P1,400 monthly to the poorest families in the 20 poorest provinces… Truly, we are now living in a noontime show age! Numbers of Pinoys have a wowowee kind of mentality… that is a sad truth. Sadder truth, it seems that some of our leaders have this way of thinking too.
Several years back, I heard a preacher said “if you want to help someone, don’t give him a fish everyday, but instead teach him how to fish.” This based on a Chinese proverb which is; “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” This adage etched on my mind.. and since then, I try to apply its principle each time I deal with people who are in need. Its principle is also the reason why I’m not fond of noontime shows nor do I think they help the poor as they claim.
To prevent the poor from hunger… As an answer to food crisis… P5-biillion aid program?! Where did the government get this idea? From Willie Revillame?!
Just like noontime shows, this kind of thing promotes laziness and teaches people to be dependent instead of self-reliant. They will get a monthly stipend without exerting a muscle. Instead of helping the poor, this just makes them paralyze, unable to do things for themselves and just waiting to be spoon-fed. Also, with cash, there is the temptation to use it for other things—for liquor, or gambling. The people is the prime capital of a country, they say. How can people be an asset if they can’t even stand on their own feet? Instead of an asset, they become a burden to the country.
In my humble opinion, the government should provide employment rather monthly allowance. Instead of spending money on this program that have a momentary effect, why not spend it on something that have a long term (good) effect that can probably benefit us all…say, education? Rather consuming their time thinking of a program to alleviate poverty instantly, why not think of an agriculture program that can rehabilitate the irrigation which can increase rice production, and eventually resolve the food crisis?
newsflash
My thoughts…
Ever since I worked abroad, I’ve become a news buff… When I was still a student I watched the news because I had to… But now, I watch the news because I want to… I now derive pleasure from it. Since I left the country, I’ve been keener about what’s happening back home. Not just I, but many other pinoy here suddenly became more conscious about current events. Perhaps the reason for this ardency for news is the ‘homesick’ factor… Watching the news or any particular show from Pinas somehow alleviates our homesickness. It gives us the feeling that home is just within our reach. It also has the power to delusion us to feel that we’re actually just at home… But lately, watching the news has become [more] draining. Hearing about food crisis, rampant corruption, unending rallies, heinous crimes, and etcetera can be so exhausting and disheartening. Sometimes, the more I watch it, the less excited I feel [to come home]. But I try to tell myself not to believe in it too much. News programs [media] are gatekeepers. They have the ability to alter or exaggerate things.
I honestly don’t know if this is a good thing or not; when you read news papers here in UAE, you will hardly see bad news, nakakapanibago. If there are any, they would focus on the bright side of it. For example, the recent accident of almost 200 cars on Sheik Zayed Road, at the boundary of Dubai and Abu Dhabi, they put more attention on how they cleared the roads within few hours and how many people were saved. Also in the fire that happened in Al Quos last month, where a Pilipino died. They focused on how fast the firemen and ambulance came to the rescue. I hear stories from Pinoys who’s been here for quite a long time; they say that UAE is so powerful that they can tamper news. They say that Dubai may be a fast growing city but it’s still young… and it can’t afford to have negative impression to them from other countries, so they focus on good news that sometimes it comprises that real news. Hmm…I really don’t know if it’s true or just a mere speculation.
On the other hand, I wonder if the news back home is the truth or the half truth or exaggerated truth. Why do this? I have two theories… Pinoy have the tendency to make paawa to foreigners. We have a deep-rooted belief that when foreign people take pity on us, they would assist us, they would shower us with help… but what is in return? (I was a bit shocked when I saw GMA said in Hong Kong that ‘Filipinos are more pro-Americans than Americans’). Why wait for deliverance from foreigners? Another theory is yellow journalism. Maybe TV networks are after the ratings that they overlook other things. They exaggerate the news to get viewers’ attention. Well, I don’t know…these are mere theories of mine.
Even if the news were true, still I tell myself not to feel hopeless no matter how shocking the news may be… Because once sense of hopelessness takes over, apathy will surely come next. I just thought… people always long desperately to come home when they are abroad. The only thing is what they are coming home to.
diary entry 5
04/10/08
Since my officemate was hospitalized the other day, she didn’t come to the office the next day. So, I did all her work, which most of it, I was so clueless about. In the evening, on my home, my friend from the office called me on my cell phone gleefully told that she checked her account and saw that she had her bonus. Since I’ve been with the company for less than 2 yrs, I told her that I was sure that I didn’t have bonus, and besides, I checked my balance over the phone during lunch break and there was none to check… she said that she did the same, but in her surprise she had a bonus. She convinced me to just to check, after all, I had nothing to lose. So I did try. There was no queue at the ATM booth, there was only one person. I fell in line. I was the next person in line. But there was this pana who fell made his new line opposite from where I was standing. I’ve been using that booth for months now, and I was so certain that I was the one who’s waiting in the right lane. So, right after the first person was done with his transaction, I immediately rush to the machine. I inserted my card, and when I was just about to enter my pin, the machine shut down! I was a bit shocked and annoyed. And the usi pana repeated inquisition: ‘what happened, my firend?” didn’t help at all, but added up to my annoyance… The screen went blank to black. Panic surged through my veins. Then I felt a spark of hope when there was light again on the screen.. only to say ‘window’s is shutting down. Please wait’. haha… I waited for it to reboot. But when it did, it read ‘Please insert you card”… I was like, how could I do that if it captured mine! Then this epal pana, said let him try. He did. And then, weirdly it accepted his card and able to withdraw his cash and got his card back! I was annoyed. Since my house is nearby bank’s street, I went to my bank’s office, (It was already closed, but it has phone booths for their customer) to use their phone to call their hotline. I told the customer representative what happened and asked him block my card. He said they would just replace it with a new one which I can claim after 3 working days… (my name in my previous card read as: Myda Gracelee, I hope they would change it too…hehe) I’ll just wait till then…
so much for ‘I had nothing to lose’
04/11/08
Ptra. Jane announced after her message that she was leaving for the Philippines the next day. I knew that she was leaving one of these days, but I wasn’t aware that it was that soon. She said that she’d be back if God allows her to… I felt sad, but I know that it is God’s will for her to go back. She did her fair share of helping each one of us in her own way. All the things she said to me when we spoke are etched in my heart. I’ll use them as inspiration to not be afraid, keep my faith and move forward.
04/12/08
Was I being sensitive or was she just being the opposite? A person told me that I don’t look good on a particular type of clothing which I’ve been wearing for years… I’ve been comfortable with it… It is simple, I feel that I look clean and presentable whenever I wear them…and I honestly think that I never looked bad on it… I got really offended… Not with what she said, but how she said it… I kept quiet the almost the whole day. And she didn’t apologize to me knowing that she saw how my face changed from smiling to almost crying. The truth is, I really didn’t get that offended with her remarks. I know how I look. No matter what people say, I know I’m not ugly (I’m not beautiful either)! What upset me more was the fact that she didn’t apologize or take what she said back. But after a few hours, with the help of shopping (groceries), I was okay again. I didn’t make a big of deal out of it. I realized at the course of my shopping, that she is really like that. What she said, had not something with me, but with her perception of things…So, I just started talking her again.
men’s magazine
My Thoughts…
Just recently, I saw on the news that the most famous “men’s magazine” in the face of the planet reached the Philippines. As a Christian… as a woman… as a feminist… I can’t help to react violently on this. The leading men’s magazine (FHM) in the country has the largest circulation which is 67%. (That is according to Summit’s website). Surely Playboy will thump that vast circulation. And that can’t be good. I’m not rooting for FHM, just to clarify. It’s disturbing enough to have that kind of magazine in a (only) Christian nation in Asia. Then, Playboy enters the scene… the more explicit, more graphic magazine that will capture the men’s attention and wallets!
First of all, these kinds of magazine don’t care who purchases and reads their magazine. They don’t care if the readers are adults or minors. They don’t care about the possibility that they can pollute innocent minds. All they care about that their profits.
They distort women’s image. They present women as toys. Such things insinuate that women are mere objects of desire. They portray women as a piece of meat. They give men the wrong notion that women are to be fantasized not respected; be used instead of loved. They exploit women! They mislead women in the wrong thinking hat it’s pleasurable to be fantasized by men… that it’s good to be a sex object… They inculcate to women’s mind that they are created to fulfill men’s fantasies! Talk about deceit!
I’m well aware of that these women aren’t forced to do this; and that what makes it more disheartening. It is sometimes understandable why some men disrespect women (It is not excusable just understandable, ok?!). How can a woman expect men to respect her if she herself doesn’t respect own self? Clichéd, but true: Respect is something earned.
I just don’t understand why a woman would use her body. A woman shouldn’t capitalize on her body; instead she should have respect for herself, cultivate her intelligence and talent, improve herself, and know her worth.
Recount 4
04/04/08
I slept late the night before because I cooked their lunch for the next day. The meat needed to be tenderized well that was why it took that long. Good thing, I was able to wake up early. I was able to go to church early…so early I had the chance to sit at the front. There were three not-so-good things happened to me that day. Church ended later than usual. Buses’ schedule is irregular during Fridays, so I waited too long for the bus. But before that, on my way to the bus station… hmm… a bird pooped on my head…well not exactly on my head…thank goodness! On my umbrella! I felt how it splat on my umbrella. I couldn’t fold my umbrella because poop was all over it. eeew! So I decided to take a cab… but I waited for 1 and a half hours but no sign of cab or bus. Just when I was about to die from dehydration, a jam-packed bus arrived. It was almost 3pm and I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. I was so hungry. I wanted to go home badly, but I dropped by to the ATM booth to withdraw my salary. In my shock, there was a deduction in my salary. I thought that it could be due auto debit for my credit card, but that was impossible because I didn’t use it. So, I just went home perplexed, annoyed and sweating like a pig!
04/05/08
I just stayed home as always. I spent my day thinking if I should take my vacation or not. I need to decide soon. I wish things are that easy…but there aren’t … there so many things that I should take in consideration. I think of the unnecessary expenses that can prolong my stay here… that can delay my plans. I don’t know! I really want to take a break. I need a rest! But I also fear that once I set foot on my homeland, I would not want to come back here again… that can’t be! I need to go back… but what if I would not want to? Ayayay…
04/06/08
I called my bank early in the morning to verify what was the deduction for. They informed me that it was due to my account’s maintaining balance of DHS 1,000! I told the customer rep. that my account is a payroll account and it shouldn’t have a maintaining balance. They informed me that my company has an agreement with them… I was so infuriated. I called the accounts people, complained about it. They said that they didn’t know about it… later that afternoon, it turned out that I wasn’t the only one. Apparently there were numerous people who experienced it. My friend at the office told me that her salary has been like that for a year now. She didn’t bother telling the accounts people because she thought that they couldn’t do anything about it, so why bother… Well, me, I’d bother, I’ll nag them to do something about it. I won’t stop until they settle this!
04/07/08
It amazed me how I do not regret anything I did to this person. Technically I didn’t do anything wrong… but I knew to myself that what I did was not right… nonetheless…it wasn’t wrong… I’m contradicting myself again…hehe… I knew I hurt this person. I also knew to myself that I didn’t do it on purpose. Still, I felt so guilty for a while. But then I came to a realization that I shouldn’t feel that way… I realized that I deserved much better than that. Even if the result of my decision did not go well. I don’t regret a thing… I don’t even consider it as a mistake. The truth is, I see it as one of the best things ever happened to me. Every time I talk to this person I get to be reminded how great my decision was.
Also that day…
A girl friend told me that she heard that he got promoted. I was very glad to learn that. I know how he wanted and worked hard for that. I really wish I can tell him how happy I am for him…
04/08/08
The account department hasn’t figured out what to do with the maintaining balance problem… What boiled my blood was that they keep on insisting that they didn’t know anything about it. That’s absolutely crap! This has been going on for a year to some employees…how could they not know about it?! Since ATM machine doesn’t give out cash below 50… it automatically means that DHS 100 is taken away from us every month! This isn’t just about money. This is about justice! Argh!
TODAY
When I woke up I saw a missed call from my lolo in the Philippines. I was baffled and a little worried. I tried calling him when I got to the office but he wasn’t answering his phone. I hoped there is no problem or nothing bad happened…that he just accidentally dialed my number… but I tried calling him again while I was writing this… it turned out that he had a problem with the bank. He said he owes the bank PHP200K and if he will not be able to pay the bank in due time, it will take possession of his properties…The properties that he worked so hard for years… I told my lolo the truth, that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t help him. He understood and we just went on with our conversation. I felt really, really awful. I love my lolo… He is old… At his age, he shouldn’t be going through that kind of crisis anymore.
I feel bad because I can’t do anything to help him…even if I want to, I cannot do anything. I’m somehow angry at my relatives, that up to this point, that all of them are married and have kids, they’re still depending on my lolo. For pit’s sake! My lolo is almost 80! My lolo told me that he has been doing all he could to save his property so that when he leaves us, something will remain with us… because he knows my other relatives…my cousins…including my father have nowhere else to go. It rips me up inside! I pity my lolo…but I can’t help to blame him…because he tolerated these people to lean on him… He helped them so much in a way that he taught them to rely on him forever… he helped them so much that they didn’t learn to stand on their own feet.
I don’t want this to happen to me…
While I was typing this…something happened here at the office… (yeah, that’s right! I’m writing my blog entries here at the office)… She collapsed. But early this morning we’re doing our daily talk about what’s going on here at work. She was so appalled about the shabby treatments to her/us. She said, which I totally agreed, that our boss has been so unfair to us. With all the pressure from her family back home, stress from work, annoyance with our officemates, the debts in the bank, loan, credit cards, she finally had it…she had breakdown. She felt that her chest tightened. She could hardly breathe. Every panicked because she was shivering…since none of us knew anything about fist aids… We called an ambulance. While we’re waiting for it, we tried calming her… In my shock, the very cause of her breakdown, went close to her, held her hands tightly and stroked her hair. She even rubbed her back and chest. I knew how much she hated her. Since she couldn’t move she couldn’t do anything about it. But my goodness, in my head, I really wanted to shout and tell her to take her hands off my friend! I was so disgusted by her hypocritical act. There were many people watching, our boss was there, and there she came, acting like a caring mother to her. We all know she is a backbiter. We all know what she’s been doing behind our backs. I really don’t want this to happen to me… foremost, to be held by someone I detest! And then of course, I don’t want to just breakdown like that. She’s been keeping it all inside her…all the pressures, problems and stress. She once told me that I reminded her of her young self. Someone who is so preoccupied with family matters…someone who is leaned on by people, someone who gives and gives, and doesn’t complain…someone who says she is fine but in reality, she is not. Surely, I don’t want to breakdown one of these days. But above anything else, I never want someone who backbites me touch even the tip of my fingers!
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