I know we haven’t talked for quite a while. It’s been months since you last heard from me. Maybe you wonder why I don’t get in touch with you. Maybe you’re asking why I didn’t call you back when you gave me ring the other day. Maybe you think that I’ve forgotten you. Maybe you think I’m too busy to even think about you. Maybe you think I no longer care. Well, unbelievable it may sound; the truth is there hasn’t been a day that I didn’t think of you. Each morning when I open my eyes I remember you. At night, before I sleep I pray for you. I always ask God to protect, guide and be with you in whatever you do, to wherever you may be. I may have stopped contacting you but that doesn’t me I stopped caring too. You’ve hurt me so much… but that isn’t enough reason to shut my door. I’m so engrossed with a lot of things…There has been so much going on in my life right now…things to deal with… issues to settle… and being in touch with you can distract me… worse, it can upset me. You just don’t know how you affect my inner being. You don’t know how much power you have over me… With so much of a burden I have, I cannot afford to be sidetracked, much less be upset…especially by you… You… the person who used to be my protector, my shield… I remember vividly how you treated me like a princess, proving all my needs and even giving my wants… But things changed over time… Now, you think table must turn. You think I should repay for your “kindness”… Why should I, wasn’t it just your rightful duty to take care of me? Don’t think that I’m ungrateful because I am not… I’m so thankful for every single thing you provided me… But there are times…especially when life throws punches at me…I somehow blame you… When I had serious setbacks… When I didn’t know what to do…when I needed someone to affirm me that everything would be fine… you weren’t there… you knew what I was going through…but there you were nonchalantly asking for something instead of giving me encouragements… I sometimes think it’s your fault why I suffer when I shouldn’t be suffering to begin with. I sometimes blame you for having boundary issues, not letting anybody get really near me the way you did. I know it’s not right…and I constantly ask God to help me not to feel this way about you. But you also have to help me do so. By not showing a slightest remorse hurts me to the core. Don’t act as if everything is alright that nothing has changed. Things changed drastically and everything is far from alright. Right now, I don’t need you to take me away from my predicament. I may need your help, but I don’t want it… not out of pride…but because of my understanding of things… I’m slowly learning to accept that even if it’s hard, I need to get through this…I may not yet know the reason why… but I know I just have to deal with this myself… I don’t need your protection from this… I’m no longer your baby. However, I don’t need you to add up to my worries. Don’t put your life’s weight on me. I have one heck of a life to carry… I need you to live your life… I don’t ask you to do something I could take pride in… I ask you to not do something we would be ashamed of. All I ask of you, is to finally have a direction in life, papa…
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY ‘PA!
Love,
Your Daughter…Naneng