the longest journey begins with a single step

I feel what I feel. I won’t apologize for it.

The moment I learned that he was in the hospital I wanted to know that instant if he was okay. (This the ex is the one that I’m not in speaking terms with) I wanted to call, text or email him. It took great deal to stop myself from doing so. It surprised to realized how much I still cared for him all this time, but what surprised me more is the realization of how much I didn’t want him to know about it. It was not out of pride from who contacted who first. It was just I thought that there was no good that could come from contacting him and letting him know that I was worried. I got so worried that his thoughts seeped in my subconscious. I dreamed about him for a couple of days. It felt a bit strange that for nearly a year that I almost didn’t think of him, then with this kind of news stirred me in a snap.  I was really confused.  I composed a text message for an hour just to erased it in a minute.  I had a gut feeling that texting wasn’t good idea.  I didn’t really know what to do. I was worried sick. I solicited advices from my friends, some said go, some said no. But I stood by my decision before to stay away from him…That I would never try keep in touch him. After all,  we’re not friends and never were. I doubt if we’ll ever be. There’s no point of contacting him. Besides, a few days after, I hear that he was out of the hospital, doing fine and recuperating already. That was all I needed to know.