the longest journey begins with a single step

I couldn’t feel more relieved. My distress and suffering at work will finally end tomorrow. My officemate who is on vacation will come to the office on Thursday. Yehey! I can’t believe it, it’s been a month! There are so many significant events happened in the past weeks, I wasn’t able to log them here because of busyness. I attempted to slide blogging in my hectic schedule but words seemed to let me down every time I tried to write. I had lots of thought but I couldn’t put them to words.  So I’m hoping my words will be on my side my this time and help me convey my thoughts. Let me just begin with this recent event…

25^th of April, for the first time in my life I won from a raffle. My friend and I attended a seminar at Cambridge International College. Before the seminar began, they announced that there would be a raffle among the attendees, and the prize… a scholarship! We got so thrilled. My friend and I hoped against hope that one of us win! I was breathing prayers for the entire seminar. And indeed, my prayers were answered and the answer was more than I hoped. Both of us won! I can’t even express how happy I actually was when they announced my name! My friend had won in from several raffles before (one of those was a plane ticket! lucky, eh?), so I thought maybe ladyluck is fond of her, and there’s fat chance of her winning. But as for me, a person who had been unlucky in any kinds of game of chance before, I really felt that I was not going to win.  So when I did, I was so happy! I won myself a half scholarship at Cambridge Business School, while my friend won for herself an 80% scholarship on any English short courses. Our happiness was cut short when I thoroughly read the letter they handed us for the scholarship. It stated that offer is only valid on the 30^th of April. We can take the classes anytime we want but we have to register before the end of the month. Even if the scholarships were already discounted, Cambridge is still Cambridge, the tuition fees are still expensive.  So I started computing my expenses in my head. It would mean tightening my belt harder but I could afford it, though. But my friend is currently having some financial issues lately so she decided not to take it. Since business school would take me a year to finish and classes are in the morning…plus the fact that I wasn’t so willing to stay here for another year to study something that I didn’t want that much, she offered hers to me. I’m planning to put up my own business, but I don’t want to spend a year studying something remotely close to the field I really want. Besides, it would be more convenient for me if I took any English courses instead, because they go on for just 12 weeks and classes are at night…and tuition fee is far less expensive! After the seminar, I checked out the available class schedules. I looked for a schedule that would fit my office hours. But ladyluck seemed playing games on me. Unfortunately, nothing fit my schedule. This was the same problem I encountered when I was trying to apply for a new job. My workplace is too far from the civilization.  It would take me an hour and a half to go the place that I needed to. I don’t want to further explicate the contradicting schedules of my work and those classes. The bottom line is my office timing doesn’t permit to go to school at the evening. I can’t transport myself from one place to another in a snap. I wish could, though. It took me five days to come up with this decision. I kept asking God for wisdom. I was racking my brains out. I changed my mind every minute… But no matter how many times I sliced and diced things, they were still the same. It was heart wrenching for me not to take such a great opportunity. It was a potential life changing matter. Having a business degree or English proficiency certificate from a prestigious school like Cambridge could open doors for me. Losing such a great chance for a job that I don’t even like was beyond heartbreaking. Maybe someday I’d regret that I didn’t fight nail and tooth for this, maybe someday I’d realize that I made a huge mistake…I don’t know. I’m so sure again. But I made my decision… I just have to stand by it.