the longest journey begins with a single step

I’m a in a catch-22 situation.

 Catch-22 is a military term that became a title of a novel, and eventually became an idiom expression for a no-win situation.

Wikipedia defines it as an expression that refers to a rule, regulation, procedure or situation that creates a dilemma where no real choice exists.  Its premise is that if there was a rule, no matter what the rule is, there is always an exception to it. It probes the question of what is the right thing to do in a basic moral or social dilemma.

      I say that I’m such situation for I’m a dilemma that no real choice exists. I’m torn between my instinct to protect a loved one and my pride to stand by my principles. It seems that no matter what I choose, I’d end up severely compromising a lot. I hope that I can do right thing without harming my loved one. I hope I can protect my loved one without abandoning my values. I hope there is a way to simplify things but sadly there isn’t. Both of the choices cost so much I don’t know if I could pay the price.  I don’t know if I should just disregard my principles for the sake of sparing my loved one. I ask myself if this is an exception to rules I made for myself. I’m trapped in moral dilemma of doing a wrong thing for a right reason. My situation is past complicated. There is no way to make things meet halfway. I can’t even properly describe what I feel. I’m afraid. I’m confused. I’m distraught. I’m indignant. I’m depressed. But despite of all, I remain hopeful…or at the very least I try to. I want to cry until my eyes run out of tears. My heart is pounding so hard that I feel that it’ll explode anytime.

Lord Jesus, please hold my heart and guide my mind. Please help me endure every obstacle and pain. I can’t possibly carry on without Your love as my guiding force. Help me to see You in this situation. Please help me tread life with my eyes focused on You instead of the ragging storms. I’ve been through a lot and Your love never failed me. Help me to hold on your promise. Allow me to see You in all my circumstances. I pray that everything I’m experiencing will lead me closer to You and to becoming the person I made to be. I give to you my fears and hurts. You may be also be with my loved ones always. Thank You.

 Amen.

To my friends who know what’s going on with my life, thank you for your constant prayers. Although we’re oceans apart you guys make me feel less alone.  I praise God for wonderful people like you.