the longest journey begins with a single step

06/05/08      

For the past 5days I only ate light food…such as fruits, oats and yogurt… I fought my every urge for almost a week only to pig out for a day! I starved myself in vain! Hehe… It was worth it, though! At the office, a co-worker got his driving license so he treated us to eat-all-you-can KFC! Here in Dubai, buying a car is easier than having a license to drive that car! In the evening I went to my friend’s friend’s birthday party… It was in an Arabic restaurant… Food was great… It was eat-all-you-can treat again! I also got to meet the people that my sister works with… and … I was able to see the person my friend has been obsessing about!

06/06/08

Lesson from the Church: Never listen to naysayer but only to the voice of truth

After Church, they fetched me; and we went straight to our cousin’s house… (our cousin who is married to a local) hmmm…videoke/pig out day again! Yippee!!!

 I was happy because I was able to spend time with my goddaughter and my closest cousin whom arrived the other day…

06/07/08

     I’m so stressed out! To be totally honest, as days go on, I’m becoming more and more anxious about going home… I should be excited but because of a lot of things, I feel that going home isn’t such a good idea … for now! Should I postpone it till Christmas?

 06/08/08

        I’ve never been this brokenhearted… I never thought my heart could ache this way…I wake up each morning with this throbbing pain in my heart. I carry it wherever I go. Outwardly, I appear alright.  But deep inside, a part of me is slowly dying. I can only bear this for so long… Although, I pray not for this pain to go away but for me to be strong so surpass this… Still, I want to break free… I need to breathe… I need to get out of this place before it swallows me up…before it gets the best of me… 

It’s always worth saving your sanity! Hurry, save yourself, allow your heart to be healed, stay away from the source of your wound, get out of here as soon as you can!

Slip of the tongue:

So she finally said, if ever she’d have a chance to go home this December, she would grab it… even without me…even it will mean I’d be alone here on Christmas…  while here I am… suffering from daily heartbroken from work that I don’t like with the people I hate… why? Because of who? Ehem… while I’ve been racking my brains out thinking about them when I finally put an end to my suffering by resigning and finally pursuing my dreams… while I’ve been saving money for her ticket just she could go with me as I plan to go home in December next year… just thinking of I being there, and she being left here already kills me… but apparently I’m the only who feel this way. I want our family to be together on Christmas …I can’t enjoy myself if I know a family member is somewhere else alone… I can’t have fun without them having fun too… why don’t think of me that way too? Is it so darn hard to include me to their plans? Why do I always consider them? Why am I being the one who’s said to be selfish while always considering them first before myself?

TODAY:

   I saw on a missed call from my father… god, I’m so scared to call him back! If I didn’t know better, I would think it was an emergency… but if it was, surely he’d persistently call me till I answer it… I don’t want to ask him why he called because it’s probably about money again…money isn’t the issue… it’s about him making it appear that it’s our duty to send money to him since we send money to our mom… my mom never obliged us… we’re the only ones she has… even if I sometimes I feel I give too much… she’s our mother… she has no one but us… and again, she didn’t ask so it’s out of our will to provide for her..